there is no easy way to break the news and so it shall be done frankly: aliens walk among us and they have for centuries. they were here before us, sucking in the thick, smoky blanket of carbon dioxide four billion years ago. they rode on the backs of dinosaurs and trained the mammoths to do back flips; they laughed raucously at the primitiveness of the early homo sapiens. they were alarmed by our civilizations, the revolutions, our inventions and innovations. we took control of our environment, manipulating it to our liking. the aliens, fearful yet curious, attempted unsuccessfully to fuse their genes with ours. thankfully, they have failed and today, their number is dwindling.
there is no need to look in outer space; we need not waste precious government funds on the development of satellites and rocket ships. it is entirely possible to cultivate our knowledge of the extraterrestrial right here on earth. all we need to do is take a closer look and seek out the aliens, these humanoid creatures who feed off of the contempt and ridicule they face every day.
by this point, you might be wondering who or what these aliens are and the answer is obvious: the Gingers. as human beings, we are as intelligent as we are tenacious. we must actively examine and analyze the Gingers and their kooky ways. the angry little boy on youtube ("Gingers do have souls!") is but the thread that we must pull to unravel the ugly reindeer-denigrating Christmas sweater that is Gingerdom.
as a fellow citizen of the world, i deplore you most grievously for all that is honest and good: let us come together! let us come together and expose the Gingers for what they truly are!
